Too Human - Xbox 360 - 3rd Person Adventure/Shooter
This is a game Goof and I really wanted to be good. It's about Norse mythology, how could it not be? Well, the reason I'm doing this one and not Goof , is the Norse part, or rather lack thereof. If Goof were to do it, there would be pages and pages of how wrong it is. I'll just say it failed and move on.
As a change of pace I'll start out with all the good parts, cause there were some. The warhammer weapon class made a satisfying "tink" sound when you hit people with them. Plus there is a weapon class that i can only describe as Death Cannons. Plus the graphics where technically good but they made some poor aesthetic choices.
OK, so on the parts that suck. And there are many.
The controls are terrible, like really, really, bad. I guess it was supposed to be an innovative feature like in Fight Night (I loved that game). But anyway, the controls involve you just randomly swinging the right thumb stick around, and that's just the melee. The gun controls are even worse. To fire you press the right trigger and to shoot powerful shots the left trigger. Sounds simple enough, but don't let it decieve you; it doesn't let you aim. You have to use a terrible lock on feature. It says you can select targets but really you can only select targets at the far left or right. If you want to target the big guy in the middle you're pretty much screwed, plus God help you if you end up turned around trying to shoot something.
Now lets talk about the camera control. Instead of making the right stick the camera they just made it failsuck. You can hit left bumper to center it behind you but you can't really in the middle of a fight. So you end up not knowing where you are going most of the time.
So on to the game play. As I mentioned on the controls section you just swing the thumb stick around. A lot. Like that's all you do. Each level consists of you fighting progressively bigger enemies till you get to the boss at which point you swing it around some more then he dies. Yay, you win. This is like a lot of games, but in this game the enemies don't even change. Like they don't even get a different paint job. Then after every hundred or so (not an exaggeration you kill a lot of things) you fight a big named guy. But the only different part about him is he is bigger has more health and a really gay name, like "Wrist Slit" (Not kidding really a guy you fight). The only game play change is the last level. For those of you who know about Norse mythology you go to Helheim(on a side note no one can ever leave Helheim, not even gods), for everyone else you go to Hel and fight zombies and even Garm (the zombie guard dog). So instead of robot elves (I guess I forgot that part, up to this point everything you fight is a robot. Also there are no elves in Norse mythology, I wasn't kidding when I said they failed) you fight zombies. Big change, but not really cause you just swing the right thumb stick around till everything dies.
I'm putting in an extra paragraph to rant about "Cyberspace". I'm relatively sure they just put this part in to pretend they had puzzles. Mostly it just removes you from the other game play and forces you to go push a button, later in the game you have to chose between three buttons. It's really hard.
So on to the loot. This game drops crap tons of loot. But really you just need to wait till you find an orange piece then you can use it for like ten levels and just sell everything else you pick up. I do wonder though, if you're supposed to be a god, why is the stuff you pick up off dead robots better than the stuff you start out with?
The story is also pretty terrible, I can sum it up in some short sentences. You wake from the dead. You kill the Grendel (by the way this is from Beowulf, not Norse). You fight Hod, because he killed you. Loki gets away. You kill Hel, Loki's daughter. And really the Grendel part isn't important i just wanted to point out that part not even loosely based on Norse myths.
The only cool part is Thor cause he's just a bad ass, when you first meet him be breaks the table with his hammer and asks for some mead. Plus they gave it a terrible ending, just asking for a sequel but all that's left is to kill Loki.
I bash this game a lot, but it wasn't really super terrible. I definitely had to force myself to finish it, cause it was the opposite of fun. I give it three out of seven failhammers.
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