12th Entry - Legendary

Everyone, i have bad news.

Well, really first i have an apology, i haven't been able to write a new entry in forever, school has been slowly (rapidly) crushing my soul.

But the bad news is, Legendary was a letdown. On a grand, epic scale. I just want to make sure everyone knows how bad i wanted this game to kick ass - I read updates, i visited the site, i got mad at its initial negative reviews, i bothered Poke repeatedly by mentioning it to him every waking hour, I slept with the pre-order art book - uh, well look, before this gets weird, you get the idea.

At any rate, in my mind, this was the game of the year.

And, well... just read the review. :(



Legendary - 1st Person Shooter (Xbox 360, PS3, PC)

You're Charles Deckard, a world class thief with a fire axe and a chip on his shoulder. You've been hired to steal Pandora's Box, and in doing so you unwittingly open it and unleash mythological creatures into the world.

Ok, stop. This is where I became hooked. As soon as mythology is invlolved, I'll probably buy it.

Indeed, I bought it, and after throwing it in the ol' 360, after not even five minutes I felt like this game was going to not be what i wanted.

I rapidly devoured the story, which is easily the shortest, most pathetic excuse for a campaign mode i have ever seen. If you put your mind to it, this game is beatable in about 4 hours.

This game gives out achievements like candy, so if you really are desperate for Gamerscore or something, its a fun little diversion.

Alright alright, so let's talk about the stuff Legendary does right. It has (some) merits.

Right, first off, this is not a BAD game. It belongs in the NFS Carbon, Fable II, and Star Wars: Force Unleashed catergory, that is - a perfect idea, executed in a terrible fashion.

Easily this game's best feature is it's innovative and powerful AI. The creatures work alone and together to take you down. The werewolves are the best example but all of the creatures are intelligent and unique.

The Lumos werewolves are pack animals, usually in groups of 3 or 4, and they are smart. They climb the walls, throw things at you, and get in your face, but then are nimble enough to jump away and beat on you again. You will be very impressed by the amount of work put into making these things seem realistic. You are hunted, and you will feel like it.

The Alpha werewolves are better than you, and they know it. They are fast and at least 3x as strong as a Lumos. They provide a fun and much-needed challenge. They act like the Lumos wolves, except they are bigger and will do anything to get in your face. They jump mind-bending distances, and are stunnigly fast. Also, if a Lumos werewolf gets in its way, the Alpha will punch it in the face/kill it/kick it. Pretty amusing. Also, for pure badassery, let a Alpha jump on you while you have the shotgun out, and then mash the buttons that appear on the screen, and you shove the shotgun in its face, and well...you know where it goes. Awesome.

Then there are the Griffins. (That's how I spell it, some people say Gryphons, Gryffins, whatever, my way is right.) These are huge, and sometimes you have to fight one mano e mano. It's pretty epic, they are tough customers. Unlike the wolves, these guys don't bother with any of this "nimble" garbage, no, no....they will charge through anything to get a piece of Deckard. I find the easiest way to deal with them is a rocket, it's generally a 1 hit kill, and if you miss, go back to target practice. Also the SAW works pretty well, if you have about 250 rounds to put in the bird's head. The griffins in mythology were described as dangerous predators, yet still benvolent under the right conditions. The griffins in Legendary are evil, gigantic harbingers of destruction. Definitely my favorite enemy.

The Nari are so retarded. They are a kind of harpy, I dunno, their representation isn't very accurate. I hate these things, they go invincible for a while, and you have to hit them with a blast of energy from the Signet. They hurt a lot, and they will possess objects and throw them at you (demon soda machines). They are really small, best solution is pest spray with the SAW, or the shotgun if you can aim. >_> At any rate they giggle like children which makes them ever more annoying, deal with them or they will snipe you with boxes and stuff.

The Minotaur is like the Terminator, if the Terminator carried around a big piece of rock as a sword. Really though, this upright walking bull will kick you around the stage if you aren't quick. Pull out the shotgun or the SAW and let em' have it. Also, don't bother with Molotov cocktails, minotaurs like being on fire, and they will laugh at you if you hit them with one. These enemies are a pretty nifty piece of work, they are well-represented (accurate to their mythological description) and essentially are raw power with legs. Just be fast and dash a lot, you will be OK.

There are tentacles that pop out of the ground occasionally, just hit them with some ammo and it will let you go. Really they are more annoying than dangerous, just be alert.

The Salamanders are possibly as annoying as the Nari. They roll around really fast in death-boulder mode, then they unfurl and spit fire at you. Also, they explode when you melee them with the fire axe, so only real men kill them with it. The pistol is kind of effective, but use a shotgun and you're in business.

Finally there are the Bloodticks. They are very similar to the Flood in Halo. They are ineffective on their own, but groups present a problem. They are spawned by a bag-like Queen, kill the Queen and then they stop coming. These aren't really dangerous until near the end of the game where there are about 7 Queens in one room and they overrun you if you take too long. Just be careful and find the Queen fast.

The normal human enemies are annoying, and they seem much harder to kill than thy should, although one axe chop usually does the trick. They do carry ammo though, so make sure not to skip all of them or you'll be getting owned by a Alpha and have nothing but your axe.

The weapons are decent, nothing really bad, except for the pistol, which is inexplicably terrible. In all other games, the pistol may be weak but you can still kill things with it, the Legendary pistol just sucks uncontrollably, and you're better off just pissing on your enemies.

The shotgun is retardedly powerful, it fires insanely fast, and three shots is enough to kill a Lumos, and a whole clip will kill a Alpha, generally. It's easily the best weapon. Nothing else is really standout, aside from the guided missile launcher, which kills griffins in one shot. There's a flamethrower for all you failures who think flamethrowers are cool, and the SAW is ok also, almost forgot it. It has a huge clip, you almost never need to reload, and it kills werewolves dead.

The controls are fine, and do not detract from the game. Thank god, this game had enough problems, it doesn't need cripplingly bad controls too.

On to the stuff that made me hate the game i wanted to love.

The gameplay is subpar, and it is a degradation the Unreal engine. Not that it needs much help, but still. Also, at times it seems like the designers got lazy, because simple things are missing, like an animation showing Deckard's hands when he hacks a door lock. Instead, the door lock magically hacks itself as the player watches in amazement (annoyance).

To put it simply, the developers spent all their time on making the creatures great, and everything else (and i mean everything) was an afterthought. The animations for dismemberment are terrible (when they exist); the griffin simply explodes into terribly rendered little chunks when hit with a rocket, and there are several boss fights and mini-boss fights that just weren't designed well. There are numerous clipping issues, and there are a few weird attempts by the developers to switch to a horror-type shooter for a little while, and it doesn't work at all.

I can't say enough how badly i wanted this game to be awesome. It isn't awesome, it isn't even good. My only remaining hope is for the sequel to realize its predecessor SUCKED, and that Gamecock will adjust the game accordingly. You've got the creatures done right, guys, just fix the rest of the game! (Please stop using the Unreal engine.)

For starters, a pet werewolf would definitely add to the game. And on that note, I have to give Legendary a lackluster 4.5/10.
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Now playing: Into Eternity - Severe Emotional Distress
via FoxyTunes

11th Entry - Fallout 3

Fallout 3 (Xbox 360, Playstation 3, PC)

Hi guys it's been awhile, this week I'm doing Fallout 3. I've had a couple of friends say they didn't like this game cause it was just going to be Oblivion with guns (this doesn't matter to me cause I like Oblivion) and while that's true it doesn't mean anything. That's like saying Portal is Half-life with puzzles, sure it's built on the same engine, but it's not really the same game.

Let me start by saying I played Fallout 1 when it came out, but that was a long time ago and I haven't played it since, so I'm just not going to compare them. The game itself is really fun, and while the character creation is great they throw a lot of stuff at you in the beginning and they don't really tell you what it means, so pay attention to where you put your points.

So lets' get down to the meat and potatoes of the game. The controls are good, and hey if you don't like them you can even change them (plus, unlike certain other crappy games about Norse mythology the right stick is camera). The game can be played in either first or third person and you can really play it any way you like. If you want to be a bad ass warrior that refuses to use guns, you can get a fun little toy called a Shishkebob which is basically a flaming sword, it's actually on fire, and it sets everything on fire. If you just want to be your average post nuclear apocalypse survivor and use normal guns, or you know a giant minigun, or later in the game laser guns you can do that, and if you want to sneak around and have no one the wiser you can do that too (which if for some reason you decided that your default difficulty for games was very hard you kinda need to do).

So lets talk about armor. You have your basic random post nuclear apocalypse armor made out of old beer cans, some other stuff that's slightly better, and an Indy hat. Then as you progress you run into power armor which are relics from before the war. The bad guys that you fight near the end have this fun armor called Tesla armor. It's electrified, need I say more. Really though it looks super bad ass and has energy crackling around it all the time. Plus there is even this one set of talking medic armor that calls you a pansy when you get hurt and injects you with what is basically crack. I can't even begin to describe the hilarity of you getting raped by a Death Claw (I was going to say that as a joke, but it's a real enemy and that's the only way it can be described) and your armor saying "Suck it up soldier and have some juice".

Like any good post nuclear apocalypse game, the bad guys are an important part of the game. Sure, you have your giant insect and crazy raiders that kill for fun. Then there are fun things like giant bipedal crabs that you can only hurt if you shoot them in the face. Or Super Mutants, who you'll spend most of the story fighting. Then you have the leftovers of the previous government, that thinks everyone else is wrong and should die. They have super rape Tesla Armor and Plasma rifles. And they are the only people that have vehicles. I don't know how this happened. Also there is a Death Claw, it's a genetically modified death machine, made by the U.S. government. They run super fast and just rape you, and they come out of nowhere, and they travel in packs. I would suggest running but they run faster than you, so good luck.

The story is also very good, you grow up in a vault, your dad leaves, your childhood friend Amata realizes her father has gone crazy, says "Holy shit pork chop sandwiches! Get the fuck out!" (that's not really what they say, but they could [should] have). You then leave and go find him, saving the world along the way. Of course if you only play the main story you miss a large portion of the game. There are multiple side quests each with there own story and interesting characters, including two crazies that think they are super heroes but really they are just destroying the town and you must stop them, I won't ruin it any more but it's pretty funny. Plus there is one quest where you need to find Lincoln artifacts, one of which it\s Lincoln's Repeater. It's pretty much the best thing ever.

The world is is well done. It all kind of bleeds together but then it's supposed to because it's just a giant wasteland (fun fact: where the game takes place is within easy driving distance from my apartment). And while the wastes are all the same all the settlements you run into stand out from each other, like the first town you see, Megaton. A town built around an atomic bomb that didn't go off, seems safe right? Or Arefu, built on a broken interstate bridge to stop the raiders. Or the town that's just surrounded by mine fields (it's a really cool place you should go). The characters stand out and everyone looks different (aside from the very few unnamed characters). So each place has it's quirks. And then there is D.C.. It is very irritating, (and irradiating too)(sorry that's a crappy pun I'm not proud of) not because of the Super Mutant hordes or the random ghouls, or even the traps. It's the subway tunnels, and I get it it's a bombed out city so the only way to get around is the tunnels, but still it's less fun. Don't get me wrong it's still kinda fun but this is the only problem I had with the game (that and this one part where i had to talk to this kid and I said bye cause I wanted to do other stuff, then had to search for him for literally an hour). Also, I didn't run into this but Goof did, it's a grocery store where the game designers built a Rube Goldberg with which to rape you. You set off a pressure plate that sets off dominoes that sets off a pitching machine that sets off a line of mines all they way around the room to kill you, it takes like 15 seconds. It's awesome.

Really, I just lied to my loyal readers, my major problem with the game was the length, it was way too short. This is a really good game, and if you have ever liked a sand box game or an RPG, you should buy it. One caveat though, watch the clock, one night I sat down to play it at like nine, then I looked outside and the sun was up.

All in all, a great new release to an old series, and it is awarded 950 rads/sec out of 1000 rads/sec.