Fable II (Xbox 360)
HEY EVERYBODY! I can't seem to remember to update this blog, and it's not cause i don't love you guys.
Anyway I'm writing this now so that's all that really matters. So here we have one of the most anticipated games for Xbox fans since Halo 2, and I have to say, Fable II fell short of the mark. In fact, it was even disappointing.
Call me biased, I'm not a big fan of RPGs (I can be swayed, however by certain games, like Mass Effect, way too awesome to not play) and Fable II, if anything has made me lose more hope in the genre. I wasn't even for a second considering downloading the recent DLC from Xbox Live, I just can't be convinced to care. So enough rambling, I'm going to talk about why it was a less than perfect experience.
When I popped Fable in, it seemed promising. Neat story, pretty to look at, and i even got to have a dog. Cool.
But then things started happening, like me realizing how ridiculously BROKEN the magic (Will) abilities are. Why would you be anything but a mage? Charge up a level 5 spell or so, unleash it, and watch everything on screen wither and die. Do it twice if it's a boss. I'm almost serious.
In all honesty, the other two concentrations of Skill and Strength are nearly pointlesss, especially the Skill tree, which is terribly unbalanced when compared with Will.
So 30 minutes in I'm using nothing but magic. Then i make the mistake of eating a pie in-game, and suddenly my Hero is all huge and chubby, and for the life of me, I can't get him to lose any weight. And now I have a mage-y, fat, scarred, demon-horned Hero. Not really what I'd call desireable, and no matter how hard I try, i can't change any of his attributes. (Ok, I'll be fair, I liked the demon horns. Good for bad-ass points.) At any rate I rapidly became frustrated with the lack of emphasis on the story which had instead been replaced by an annoying need to RE-DECORATE my house!? Come on, this isn't the Sims. But you're close, Lionhead Studios, so close to making a Sims clone. >_< Coupled with a clunky and rather unrealistic "realtionship" system where people become your friends after farting on them a few times, I rapidly moved from being annoyed to dismayed. How was this game getting positive reviews!? Poke gave up after reaching Bowerstone in-game, and my goofy self was headed down a similar path. (In Poke's defense though, he is a rather impatient player who will discard a game he finds annoying whereas i will finish it no matter how terrible.)
There aren't really any nifty weapons, only boring variants of the same weapon. They aren't even cleverly concealed behind a changed name, they're just all the same. So yeah, I could go in search of "loot", but WHEN IT'S ALL THE SAME, what's the point?
I think that's about all the bad stuff i have to say...oh wait.
Right, so Poke and i are big fans of co-op games (Army of Two is awesome, I don't want to hear it) and so we noticed Fable was co-op. We gave it a try, and i can't really describe it to you in words. I'll try though. It is an experience in frustration; an abysmal, terrible, and clunky system, and to top off this pile of garbage, it's FIXED CAMERA. Yes, fixed. Seriously, read a book, Lionhead. If two players are on seperate Xboxes, they don't want a fixed camera. Fixed camera doesn't even work in Super Smash Bros. Brawl, and it's the best game ever made. I had to stop after 5 minutes of co-op mode, it hurt too much. But wait, there's more. If you join someone's co-op game, you don't get to use your own Hero. Nope, you get to choose from several stock ones. STOCK! The whole point of this game is character customization, so then in a co-op game, you remove one of the things this game had going for it!? That's like telling me you're going to give me a delicious burger with bacon and cheese, but then when you give it to me, it's really a bunch of strangely colored forest fungus between slices of Spam, and you didn't even have the decency to give me the damn bacon. Much like forest fungus, it leaves a bad taste in my mouth, and makes me much less likely to buy your games.
In all seriousness, though, Lionhead spent years on this game, so why did it end up like it did? Why is fighting off creatures of myth worth less than pounding the "A" button to forge metal/serve drinks/cut wood? Why is Will so broken? Why are all the female Heroes busted? Why does a in-game character marry a zombie? Why did i finish this game? And, most importantly, how does a condom exist in this time period?
Now to say a few good things about Fable. One, the story is a step above average. I'd call it good even. I'd be lying if i said i didn't enjoy several of the story related quests. Two, I liked the dog. The dog was good. (One suggestion though, make the appearance of the dog more extreme, like if I'm evil, i want a dog with horns, possibly leathery demon wings, and definitely a tendency to breathe fire. F*ck it, just let me have Cerberus on a leash.) Three, you managed to make a decent inventory system. For all the multitudes of items you acquire in this game, I never felt overwhelmed because I always knew where everything was. And four, the game really FELT medieval and arcane. So good job on that.
Bottom line - Fable is a over-hyped sequel with a good story that is hampered by its own need to play interior designer. Don't buy it, rent it. And return it after you beat it. Easy, done, move on and don't look back. 6.5/10.
Do like Goofy instead, and look forward to FEAR 2's upcoming release. :D
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